Starting October

#bipolardiaries

Let's start with a recap of September: I was back surfing, got all my stuff organized (relocated my surfboard and rearranged my apartment), started Aerial classes, spent time with friends and family, and began talking to folks on Tinder.

It was a pretty regular month. Considering that I had stopped my medication and was handling my moods on my own, I was a good girl! Nevertheless, I had some problems staying too late watching YouTube and noticed that my appetite decreased...gotta make sure that I keep tabs on these two things.

Anything interesting happening, Tinder-wise? Nah, not really; I don't think I'll be hooking up with anyone soon or meeting any of my Tinder prospects. I got only one foot on this thing, really, and I was pretty much just there to talk and see new faces on a tiny screen.

Not much action has happened since I sent a bunch of nudes to a coworker. We're not even “talking” anymore.

Fucking an actual person feels like a chore. It's complicated, takes energy, effort, and time, and I could get my orgasms alone without any additional strain in my life.

Right now, I'm just enjoying my own company, laced with fantasies here and there. Been watching porn to get off and sleep lately – I'm thinking about getting myself a dildo soon. I seriously have a dildo in my shopping cart.

Just on my own.

Last night, I've been thinking about joining a dance troupe or a circus and just live while travelling with said troupe. Maybe become a fire dancer or a burlesque performer – anything that involves performance.

I brought this up to a friend who was a dancer, and she said:

We gotta invest on the skills we want to develop so we can get there.

Still, it's not very easy juggling anything with my full time job. I love what I do in the 9 hours that I stay in this office, where I am writing this, and I do need the bi-monthly pay to get things going in my life. Basically, there's no quitting this 9-5, not anytime soon.

Later today I am planning to work out for at least a solid 1 hour. The hamstrings on my right leg don't feel right, so I will be troubleshooting that later. Hopefully a set of stretches takes care of it.

Today has been silent for me. I'm out with a poker face and everything feels monotonous in a calm sort of way. It's easy to say that the long weekend exhausted me and I'm just needed waves...just some rides to the shore.

I hope there are good waves this weekend.